Growth

Control

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If you were to take one of my classes, there would be a note in the syllabus that says something like this:

Students are responsible for accepting the consequences of the choices that they make.  

This may seem like an odd thing to include but it is in there for a very specific reason. Early on in my teaching career, I noticed that students would make decisions and then not want to deal with the subsequent results. So, for example, they may  choose not to get their Scantron the day before the test, and then be frustrated that they didn’t have enough time to complete the test since they used class time to get the requisite testing instrument. Or they may have chosen to skip class and missed an important announcement, and then want the instructions repeated when they did decide to come to class. Whatever the circumstance, I quickly realized that they needed a reminder that most of the time, the reason that they were at a perceived disadvantage had to do with a choice that they made. Therefore, they needed to make another choice to respond appropriately, and not let the circumstance control their response.

It’s a lesson that’s true for all of us. As I’ve previously written, Proverbs 16:32 teaches us about control. One of the things that it teaches us is that the Biblical definition of power, and our definition of power may look quite different. However, it also teaches us that we need to be careful who or what we give control to. If our circumstances define our response then it’s likely that, especially in less-than-perfect circumstances, our response will be an ungodly one. As the next verse reminds us, the situation we are in did not occur by happenstance, but is within God’s providential hands. If our King and Creator is in control of not only the situation, but how we respond to it, then our response can be one that brings glory and honor to Him.

This is easy to write, but harder to do. Perhaps it’s a natural human tendency to blame shift. Eve did it all those years ago in the Garden and it continues to this day. But like the Psalmist, we need to ask God for a new heart and a right spirit so that our response may not be based on our inclinations, but on His will.

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Relationships

Choosing What’s Important

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The Women’s BIble Study that I am in has been going through the book of Proverbs. As a book of wisdom, it has a lot to say about relationships. Since relationships are central to living a life that is glorifying to God and are integral to life on this planet, it is not surprising that in providing instructions for how to live wisely, relationships would be a central topic.

Because of their importance and their fragility, relationships require a lot of care and wisdom. One of the most damaging things to our relationships is our pride. If I am focused on “me,” it is difficult to be simultaneously focused on someone else.  

Yet at some point a choice has to be made; we must decide whether our pride or our relationship with another is more important. Perhaps there is no greater battlefield for this decision than in our marriages. Our familiarity with one another makes it less likely that we will feel the social pressure to defer to the other. Our history increases the chances that there have been sins against us in the past that the Enemy uses to tempt us to “stick up for ourselves” this time. Our expectation of a future together will entice us to make sure that we “get what we’re due” now, otherwise we might set a precedent for the years to come. The prideful temptations are everywhere and a choice must be made. Is our pride or our relationship what matters most? Are we willing to sacrifice “me” for the sake of “us”?

It may seem easy in concept, but it’s a difficult choice in practice. Not because the believer doesn’t know what choice they should make, but because any type of sacrifice is hard. Yet Proverbs 19:11 gives us hope. It states, “Good sense makes one slow to anger,and it is his glory to overlook an offense.” In other words, when we choose to set aside our pride and not fly off the handle, we are exercising wisdom. When we don’t demand what’s “ours” in order to overlook an offense, we are acting honorably. Choosing the good of a relationship over fueling our pride is hard, but God’s Word says it’s worth it. And because He will be the final arbitrator, if He says it’s worth it, we know that it is.

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