Appreciating the Pride Killer


I used to always say that I’m my own worst critic. In a lot of ways, this is still true. On an average day, I’m probably going to evaluate my performance worse than those that observe me. Frankly, it’s not a matter of self-esteem, but a desire for continuous improvement. It’s an annoying quality to be sure, but for some reason, that’s just how I was made.

However, I’ve learned that despite this tendency, I still squirm at the critiques of others. Every semester I get to experience this first hand when student evaluations are released. Now don’t get me wrong, I truly value and appreciate the students’ feedback. From this feedback I learned things that they like, and things that they didn’t. I’m able to improve my classes and make them more applicable for the next round of scholars. Their feedback promotes what I love – continuous improvement. Plus, I’ve been giving them feedback all semester, the least I can do is give them an opportunity to share their’s. But in a room full of 30 people, it’s hard to please everyone. And it’s always the comments from the one who’s disappointed that stand out to me.

What I’m beginning to learn though is that the resulting bruise to my ego isn’t necessarily a bad thing. I grimace at their critiques because I want to be the professor that they love. I justify their comments and rationalize away their insights, because I want to believe I’m good at my job. However, when I look at the pronouns associated with this line of reasoning, I realize it’s all about me. I’m hurt, I’m unfairly criticized, I’m disappointed. It’s my pride that’s wounded, and nothing else.

However, as a Christ-follower, I not only know that pride is not only a sin, but the more pride fills me, the less Christ does. If I’m so consumed with justifying what I’ve done, the clothes I choose, or the manner in which I teach because I believe that all-in-all I’ve done a good job, then I’m not at all focused on the work of Christ. Sure, it’s good to take an inventory of how I’ve used the opportunities God has given me, but once I let it destroy my confidence in Him, I know that it’s my pride that’s experiencing pain. Criticism wounds pride and criticism is a pride-killer. As a follower of Christ, I want less of me anyway, so why shudder at the injury?

Maybe a day will come when I will rejoice at the day student evaluations are released. Maybe someone will critique my driving, or my cooking, and I will thank them. At the very least, I hope to appreciate how as a result, pride is killed in my life, and thereby, in humility, embrace the criticisms that come.. . .whether or not they are deserved.

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A Reflection on Relationships


Every year as I turn another year older, I make it a habit to write a considered reflection on some part of my life (See here, here, and here. (If you are confused by the dates, I exported blogs in from a previous place so the last one is obviously not posted in my birthday month)). This annual ritual is an opportunity for me to take stock of what has transpired over the last year and to either consider what how I want to change a year from now, or what lessons I want to glean from my past experience. It’s a useful, if not boring, tradition.

This year, as I pondered my birthday blog, I was reflecting on the veracity of a lesson that a good, wise friend once shared with me, and which I have since shared with others. In my field of marketing its important to recognize the costs associated with every action. My friend taught me that the same is true in relationships. Every action is either a deposit or a withdrawal, and its important to make sure that we have a “positive balance” in our relationships. Otherwise, our relationships will get strained and there will be a “deficit” that we incur. (Not to mention some possible overdraft charges. 🙂 ) We need to consider the state of our relationships, just like we consider the state of our finances, and make decisions about how we are going to expend our resources accordingly.

While this has been a helpful lesson, I have discovered that it is perhaps, incomplete. Because unlike a bank account, when you make a deposit in a relationship, there is little guarantee that it will be protected and secured. Relationships instead, may function more like your retirement plan. You make deposits and hope that future interests and returns will reveal that it was a sound investment. However, just as many are discovering with their dwindling 401(k) plans, this investment may end up in disappointment. The investments we make in relationships, as with our retirement, are in anticipation of the future, and the future is often anything but clear.

Yet, in learning this lesson, I have also determined, that we should make the deposits anyway. Sure, it may be that we are disappointed with how certain investments turn out. Maybe we pour our life into a friend only to have them betray us. Maybe we invest in a stranger, only to find that our efforts were rebuffed. But just like any financial planner would tell you that the current market fluctuations shouldn’t deter you from planning for your future, a few unmaterialized relationship investments, shouldn’t mean that we abandon what we’ve been called to do. For Christians, our degree of investment is clear. We should be willing to lay down our life for our friends (John 15:31) and go out of our way to care for a stranger (Luke 10:25-31). And while we may not reap the rewards of this investment immediately, we do have a guaranteed return in Heaven where we can look forward to our Father commending and rewarding us for how we cared for others on Earth. (Matt. 25:34-36).

Investments in retirement plans and investment in relationships are good, sound decisions. However, we need to make these decisions knowing that the immediate outcome is uncertain. Yet from eternity’s perspective, the investment that counts, the investment we make in others, is secured.

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