Relationships

A Back to School Prayer: Friendships & Our Kids

It has become a little bit of a tradition in years past that I try to share a way that we can be praying for our kids as they head back to school. This wasn’t a pattern I intended to start; it originated because of my own petitions as a mom. A new school year is a good time to think about the goals we have for our kids and to prayerfully place those plans at our Father’s feet, asking for His will for each life that He has entrusted to our care.

This year, as I thought about next school year what kept coming to mind is the influence others have on our kids and the influence our kids can have on those around them. Therefore, as we approach a new year of educational attainment, I invite you to join me in praying for our kids’ friends, and the type of friend that our kids will be.

Here are 7 specific ways you can pray for friendships and your kid this school year:

  1. Pray that they have friends that point them to Jesus – As our kids age, their friends have an increasing influence on their lives (and proportionately, their parents a lessening one.) Let’s pray that our kids have friends that will direct their thoughts & attention to Jesus, and that will help them look to Scripture to make decisions. Pray that these friends will encourage our kids to respect the authority of God, and all the other authority in their lives. “Bad company corrupts good character” (I Cor. 15:33) and conversely, good company helps build excellent character. Let’s pray that our kids are surrounded by good company.
  1. Pray that they are a friend who points others to their Savior. – Just as we pray that our kids will have friends that point them to Jesus, let’s pray that our kid is the type of friend who points people to Him. May we ask God to help our child rely on Him, and to use that security to show those that are around them the grace and mercy He gives. When people are in a quandary, may they be able to count on our kid to give wise advice that is not based on a fallible opinion or limited perspective, but on the truth of God’s Word. May our child have a character that is increasingly conformed to that of Christ’s and may they see the Savior reflected in how our child lives. 
  1. Pray that their friends are wise – If we want to be wise, Proverbs 13:20 states that we need to do life (i.e. “walk”) with the wise. Therefore, if we want our kids to be wise (and we should) we should pray that they surround themselves with wise friends. We should pray specifically that our kids’ friends are wise in the ways of God, that they are being brought up in the fear and knowledge of the Lord. However, recognizing that our kids will have friends who are not being raised in that manner, we can still be praying that they have wisdom in what they commend and what they pursue. In other words, I want to pray that my kids’ friends from non-Christian homes also have sensitive consciences and have hearts that are inclined to what is pure, noble, honorable, lovely and of good repute. I know that they will have an influence on my children, and these are the things that I want my kids to also be inclined towards. 
  1. Pray that they are a friend to those who do not have many. – In considering the type of friend that we want our kids to be, it would be good to pray that they are the type of person who is a friend to those who don’t have many. Recognizing that while we were still His enemies, Christ died for us (Ro. 5;8) should compel us to want to be people who show love, grace, and mercy to those who are lonely, weak, and hurting. This may seem like a lot to ask of our kids, but we should desire to train them from a young age to appreciate how fearfully and wonderfully God has made every single person. Let us pray that as we show our kids what it means to love like Jesus does, that they will be an extension of that type of grace and kindness to those at their school who are most in need of a friend. 
  1. Pray that they have friends who encourage them. We all know how cruel kids can be and how careless words far too easily usher forth from their lips. We all probably have memories of things that were said to us that broke our heart. In those moments, it is often our friends that we turn to for encouragement. Let us pray that our kids have friends that help them see through the emptiness of unkind words and who help strengthen their resolve to be who God created them to be. May our kids have friends who build them up, not tear them down, and may their friends help them appreciate the value and dignity of being an image bearer of God. 
  1. Pray that they speak words of grace to their friends. In a world filed with unkind words, may our kids be people whose tone is different. Instead of responding in kind when they are the recipients of harshness, may they be gentle and thoughtful, slow to anger and abounding in kindness. May others count on them to say things that are uplifting, rather than things that disparage. May what they say and how they say it, bring glory to God. 
  1. Pray that their friendships will help them love God and love others more, and that Jesus will use those relationships to grow His Kingdom. – Of course, the summation and the motivation of all our prayers for our kids should be that they know and trust in Jesus as their Lord and Savior. We should be praying that God uses all our kids’ friends to help accomplish this in their lives. May even the difficult friendships help refine them and reveal to them how futile it ultimately is to put our security in anything but Christ. Additionally, may we pray that God would use us to draw others to Him because of the people that we meet because of the friends our kids make. As we interact with parents and guardians of our kids’ friends, may we be ready to give a reason for the hope that is in us (I Peter 3:15). May we be representative of His love, and may we look for ways that we can serve the families of our kids’ friends. May we ask God to give us wisdom and insight into how we should invest our time to maximize our evangelistic opportunities. And may we pray that when we look back at this season in our kid’s lives, that we will see how He used the friendships they had and our faithfulness to act, to bring many into a right relationship with Him. 

Our kids’ friends will have a significant influence on them, and they will have an opportunity to have a significant influence on their friends. May we faithfully pray that God uses those relationships for the good of our kids, and the good of their friends. May we recognize that every friendship is an opportunity to shine the love and faithfulness of Christ. And may we make the most of that opportunity, for the sake of Eternity. 

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Relationships

Preparing Parents for College

One of the great joys in my life is being a college professor.  As I tell my students every year, it is an honor to spend my working hours with so many remarkable young people. Even more extraordinary though is that God, in His kindness, gave me a job that I love and one that, in His graciousness, He has used for His Kingdom’s purpose. It is a gift that I try to never take lightly, and it is one that I am perpetually grateful for. 

Over my 15 years of being a college professor, I have learned a thing or two about what the college experience is like. During that time, I have seen all different types of students, who have approached college in a variety of ways. One of the aspects of my occupation that I did not anticipate was the degree to which parents were prepared for this transition in their child’s life. Of course, by the time their kid is my student, their “child” is a young adult. However for many of them, the process of this new phase of parenting is difficult.  I do not propose to have all the answers, and I am totally open to the idea that when it is my kid that is starting their college years, I may sing a different tune. However, from the vantage point of where I sit today, I wanted to share a few thoughts about how as parents, we can prepare for the day when our kids go to college. 

1. Remember Your Kid Was Always on Loan – The Bible instructs parents to train up their children in the way they should go (Prov 22:6); the implication being that at some point – they will in fact, GO. Our goal as parents should be to help our children grow in wisdom and to prepare them for the path that God has set before them. They are in our house for a limited period of time, but they are always in God’s hands. When we cling to our kids as if they are “rightfully” ours, we forget that they have and will always be a gift from God. They are His creations before they are “our” kids. It is a blessing to have the stewardship of raising them, but we must recognize that at some point that stewardship ends. Work to do your job well as to the Lord and trust them to His care when they are no longer your charge. 

2. Switch from Fix-It Mode to Consult and Advise – When our kids are children, we do a lot of fixing, and a lot of rescuing, trying to make sure that they stay on the right path. When our kids are young adults, our job switches from being one that is mainly about fixing problems, to primarily about consult and advise.  If you have built a trusting and loving relationship with your kids, there is a good chance that they will call you when they are facing a problem. If they are in college, resist the urge to rush in and fix it. Listen to the situation, point them to Scripture, and give them your best advise without swooping in to take care of it yourself. One personal word of advice – unless there is a catastrophic event, it is unlikely that you should ever email one of their professors. Let your grown kids fight through the challenges God places in their path. You can support them with encouraging words, and faithful prayers – and you should! However, they should be the main actors in solving their own problems. 

3. Pray – A Lot – Speaking as someone who has not yet sent their kid off to college, I can only imagine how difficult it is to release the young person that has spent the last 18 years in your home into an unknown and challenging world. However, instead of responding to this uncertainty by holding tightly to your kid, cling to Jesus. You won’t get to see your kid every day, you won’t know the ins and outs of their lives, but your Savior does. And He is far better equipped to help them than you ever were. Pray for your college student, pray for their friends, pray for their professors, pray for the activities that they will participate in, pray for the trials that God will send their way, and pray for their walk with God.  Don’t let a day go by that you don’t place your young adult before the throne room of God asking that His will be done in their lives. There is a lot that you do not know about what their future will hold, but He does. Cast your concerns onto your beloved King (I Peter 5:7) and be filled with His peace (Phil 4:6-7). 

4. Equip Your Student for Success but Let them Earn It – Before your kid heads off to college, do everything that you can to equip them for success. Of course, this starts with teaching them God’s Word and modeling for them a life that is reliant on their Savior. There are also some pragmatic skills they should possess. Make sure your kid knows how to budget money, how to manage their time, how to study, how to take notes, how to search for and evaluate information sources, and what the college catalog is and how it should form a basis for planning their academic schedule. In an ideal world, you won’t try to give your student a crash course on these things in the days preceding their departure for school, but if you haven’t done so yet and they are heading out the door, a crash course is better than no instruction at all. However, once you have given your kids these skills, let them use them to earn their success. Don’t plan their academic schedule for them; don’t always bail them out if they get into a financial jam. Of course, as indicated in point 2 above, you can consult and advise, but don’t try to make it so that success is guaranteed. If life is like bowling, then college is the time to take down the bumpers. They need to have the option of failure, (and experience the consequences if they do). As I often tell my students, I rather they learn the hard lessons in my class instead of at their first job. The consequences in the class may seem severe now, but the consequences are much more drastic when your livelihood and career are on the line. 

5. Let them have their own experience rather than repeating yours – If you have a kid going to college, the odds are that you were last a college student many years ago. If you had the greatest experience or the worse experience, don’t try to relive your college days through your kid. In all likelihood, things have changed since you were last in a university classroom. If you have equipped your young adult for success (see the previous point), you have given your student a head start in making the most of their time in college. Don’t try to recreate your memories or rectify your mistakes by overly directing your kid. Their college experience is just that; theirs. God has a plan for them, and your desire should be for your son or daughter to walk in His ways, not yours. 

6. Remember the point of college is to learn – both in the classroom and outside of it – It isn’t uncommon for a student to find out that they have room to take some “extra” classes and they will ask me what I think they should take. While we may spend time discussing minors or certificates that align with their chosen field, I also remind them that it is o.k. to take a class for the love of learning more about a subject, even if there is no direct correlation to their major. I am convinced that students who know more beyond their chosen field, make a bigger contribution to their discipline because they are able to consider problems and situations from multiple perspectives. So, for example, if I have a business student who likes philosophy, I encourage them to take another philosophy class. The more they know about the perspectives that have shaped how we think about the world, the better businessperson they will be. If your student is going to a Christian college, encourage them to take additional Bible classes if they have the space to do so. They will be a better nurse, engineer, marketer, educator artist, etc. the more firmly they are rooted in the truth of God’s Word. 

7. Rely on the One who loves them even more than you do.  – Lastly, as you send your child off to college, rely on the One who loves them even more than you do. Throughout their college experience, your student, and you, will likely have good times and hard times. The seasons will change, but God is the same yesterday, today, and forever (Heb 13:8). Trust in Him as your anchor (Heb 6:19) and whether it is storms or smooth sailing, that comes your way, you can be secure in Him. 

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