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A Great Grace

August 2, 2007 in Relationships with 0 Comments

My friends are great. They are often the source of the biggest blessings in my life and it seems like every day I find a new reason to be grateful for them. It is wonderful to know that I have people who I can turn to in good times or in bad; friends who will be there for me even if I don’t know what I need. We have fun together and just generally enjoy sharing life with one another. We love one another and they mean more to me than I can ever say.

One of the best things about my friends is that they are rarely difficult to love. Sure, we all get on each other’s nerves from time to time, but when push comes to shove we know that we’ll be there. This is something that we value and cherish, and I’m grateful that it is this way. I’ve come to realize though loving these wonderful people is nothing to be commended for. It’s easy to love them. They contribute to my life, and I genuinely enjoy their company. It’s the people who aren’t so easy to love that pose the greater challenge.

Thomas a Kempis stated, “It is no great matter to associate with the good and
gentle; for this is a naturally pleasing to all, and everyone willingly enjoyeth peace, and loveth those best that agree with him. But to be able to live peaceably with hard and perverse persons, or with the disorderly, or with such as go contrary to us, is a great grace, and a most commendable thing.” It’s easy to love those who love us; it’s harder to love those who make life difficult.

I plan to continue to love my friends fiercely. They deserve nothing less. But I hope that as Christ showers me with His love, I will become a reservoir of His grace to others. After all, He couldn’t have found much that was lovable in me and that didn’t stop Him from dispensing His grace.


Double Pierced

June 27, 2007 in Relationships with 0 Comments

When you’ve spent as much time in church as I have, you learn that there are just as much politics in there as there is any other place where large groups of people get together and ostensibly work towards the same goal. It may take on a more spiritual tone (and then again, it might know), but the maneuvering and the special interest groups are the same.

Of course, a lot of political struggles center around doctrine – what a group is going to profess as the right course of action – and it is no different in the church. The most prominent struggle is centuries old – the emphasis on law versus grace. Even the Early Church fought this battle as evident in Acts 15. Some groups wanted to emphasize the importance of obeying the Hebraic Law while others wanted to focus on the new covenant. The same holds true today. Some churches focus on teaching adherents to follow the commandments of Christ, while others focus on demonstrating His limitless grace. Perhaps the strangest thing about this fight, is that both sides are right. Both God’s law and His good news are needed. As Charles Spurgeon once wrote, “the law is for the self-righteous, to humble their pride: the gospel is for the lost, to remove their despair.” Neither the gospel nor the law can accomplish the goal of the others. With only the Law, we would despair which is why the Gospel is needed. With only the Gospel, we may boast of our high place; the Law is needed to show our depravity. Every believer needs both to pierce the depths of their inmost being.

Political struggles will probably always be a part of the church on Earth. But we can rejoice, their place in heaven is nonexistent.


Come To Think Of It

June 27, 2007 in Relationships with 0 Comments

If you’re around me for any length of time, you’ll probably notice that I’m a planner. My natural inclination is to think through the consequences of circumstances and to try to adjust my behavior accordingly. Although my proclivity towards planning even small circumstances has been the subject of much teasing, I have no real desire to change. I figure this ridiculous desire to plan has provided more good then bad. Plus, it makes me unique – anyone can be spontaneous.

As I mentioned, the plans I make are rooted in a desire to think things through to their logical conclusion. Unfortunately, a lot of my plans are about me and what’s going on in my life. I don’t take nearly the same level of care when I think about others. Others’ lives tend to be more of a cursory concern.

Mother Teresa once said, ” Thoughtfulness is the beginning of great sanctity. If you learn this art of being thoughtful, you will become more and more Christ-like, for his heart was meek and he always thought of others. Our vocation, to be beautiful, must be full of thought for others.”

Although there is much depth to be explored in this quotation, there are two things in particular that caught my attention. First, is that Christ’s thoughts were never of Himself. Many times in Scripture the Lord tried to get away and be refreshed only to see a need in the crowd and adjust His plans. Although He knew how to get what He wanted, and needed, namely rest, He choose instead to think of others and change His behavior. When our thoughts are of ourselves, we don’t provide ourselves the opportunity to do the same.

Secondly, Mother Teresa said that thoughtfulness caused our vocation to be beautiful. Although we may be inclined to believe that she was talking about her particular vocation to be a nun, in reality each Christian shares the same calling to serve Christ. Whether we are a teacher, a businessperson, a doctor or a politician each of us have the chance to make our vocation beautiful through the act of thinking of others. It’s this act that causes our vocation to be a ministry of Christ.

I may never think of others with the same great care that I plan for my own life. But someday, I hope to.


The Power of Substitution

May 12, 2007 in Relationships with 0 Comments

In math, “the substitution method is used to eliminate one of the variables by replacement when solving a system of equations.” Basically, you replace an unlike variable for a similar variable in order to solve the problem. You hope that if the substitution is equivalent that you’ll get the answer you need.

In life its often the same. People substitute pursuit of a career for time with family. They substitute alcohol for happiness. They substitute sex for love. Every time they hope that the substitute contains enough of the characteristics of what they really want that the substitute will fill the need. It rarely does. But it doesn’t keep them from trying.

We do it in relationships too. We pass the time with Mr or Mrs. Right Now, instead of waiting for the Right One. We use people for the companionship that they provide even if the future of the relationship is untenable. We try to convince ourselves that what we’re doing is o.k., knowing the whole time that we settling for something that’s less than what we’re made for. In human relationships and in our relationship with God, we accept the inferior because we’re scared of the power of the perfect. We try to eliminate our real need by substituting something of like qualities. We do it to solve our problems, seldom realizing that we’re creating new ones.

Humans are made for realness not for forgery. We’re wired for the genuine, destined for what’s true. Substitution is a poor excuse and an unhealthy proposition. The only way to really solve the equation is to know what we’re missing in the first place.


Misperceptions

May 9, 2007 in Growth, Relationships with 0 Comments

Recently, a friend shared with me a story of his weekend spent volunteering with the Special Olympics. During the soccer matches members of the other team who were not challenged by any physical disabilities (both disable and non-disable players were in the game) apparently were challenged by understanding the purpose of the Special Olympics as they felt it necessary to use the avenue as an opportunity to show off their shooting techniques and run up the score. Today, I read a story of a coach who got in a fight with an 18 year-old Pee Wee referee because the referee had ejected the coach for cursing in front of his 5-6 year old players. As one of my coworkers said upon hearing these stories, “the world’s gone mad.”

What’s interesting to me about each of the stories is the perspectives that the chief actors must have had. Obviously the soccer players felt that their actions were appropriate for the setting even if they totally missed the purpose of the Special Olympics. Additionally, I’m guessing he Pee Wee coach felt his actions (both the cursing and the fighting) were entirely acceptable given the situation. If you asked any of these participants, they probably felt that their behavior was warranted and entirely justifiable. The fact that most dispassionate observers would disagree would probably not sway them. They probably figure that mere observers probably just couldn’t understand.

I think we all can get like that some times. It’s so easy to see a situation from our vantage point that it just seems to be the only view available. We believe that if others really understood it the way that we did, then they too would see things our way. The fact that they aren’t tarnished by emotional involvement only makes their analysis seem, well, analytical. We truly believe that our perspective is the right one.

Rarely though does one person have a monopoly on a given situation. Life on this Earth is filled with complex interactions each influenced by the history and experience of the individuals. Thankfully, our Judge is not tainted by these perceptions, however our relationships on Earth must be. We can’t be impartial, we can’t have a clear perception. We are all influenced by the person we choose to be.

Maybe that’s why God said “mercy triumphs over judgment!” (James 2:13) Granting mercy doesn’t require a perfect perceptive, bestowing judgment does.

Bypassing on judging the soccer players or the Pee Wee coach isn’t easy. Their actions seem so blatantly wrong. But extending mercy assures that we take one step away from becoming them.


Counted Blessings

May 9, 2007 in Being Content, Relationships with 0 Comments

It was one of those days that nothing went according to plan, and the amazing thing was, I was remarkably o.k. with it. I spent the weekend visiting friends and what was intended to be an afternoon party lasted long into the evening. Despite the fact that my social calendar called for something different, I didn’t mind. I was exactly where I needed to be.

Each of us have friends that we can have fun with, people who make us laugh and who we enjoy each other’s company. Some friends though supercede these barriers. They’re invested in our lives and we’re invested in their’s. They are the kind of people who are precious to us just as gems are precious to many collectors. They can not be replaced or supplanted. They are truly gifts from above.

Sometimes we neglect to remember these blessings. In the busyness of life, its hard to take time to count our treasures. We often don’t even recognize all that we have until its taken away. As I drove away from my prolonged visit I was a bit sad because hanging out with these people who I rarely see showed me what I was missing when they weren’t a part of my life. These are people who I can be real with, who will call me on the carpet when I need to be, who will love me regardless, and who will both cry and laugh with me as the occasion demands. As one of my friends commented as she left, they are the people who I hope are my neighbors in heaven.

I may not count my blessings every day, but when circumstances converge and an account is warranted, I’m so grateful for all I’ve been given.


The Multitude of Loneliness

February 7, 2007 in Relationships with 0 Comments

I think it’s a feeling that we’ve all had. You’re surrounded by people and yet you feel utterly alone. The logic of it is inexplicable. In fact, it defies all sound explanation. People are everywhere and yet you feel like no one is around. Numerous individuals cloud the stage and you’re imagining yourself at the third grade talent show staring back at the hundreds of faces that return your gaze. It’s a solo performance and you’re abandoned in a sea of humanity. Despite the multitude there is no solace.

I have yet to figure out what causes the feeling. It’s not the people you’re with or the environment one finds oneself in because I’ve had radically divergent feelings in comparable situations. Nor is the feeling solely emanating from an internal war, as evident by the fact that similar feelings can create different results. Best I can tell, at least from my experience, there is no one reason that causes this feeling to occur. But when it does, it can be terrifying.

I think it’s because we all want to believe that there’s something to depend on. Even in the midst of life’s struggles we want to know that someone will be there that can support us and help guide us on our way. We want to believe that facing the world alone is not required, because quite frankly, the world can be an utterly scary place. Soldiers are some of the toughest, and most independent people I know, but they are also the ones that tend to value their relationships most profoundly. They know the value of having someone else with them in the foxhole. Feeling of loneliness aren’t scary because you are actually physically alone; their terror comes from the feeling that everything is reliant on you. You are the cause and solution and nothing you can do can change that.

It might be for this reason that Jesus reminded us so many times that we are not alone. Before Joshua went into battle, before Jesus departed the Earth, reminders were given that God would be with His followers wherever they went. Not only is the comforting because it’s a good thing to know God’s on your side, but it’s also a reminder that the execution of His work is not dependent on you. The Cause and the Solution of every situation is with you each step of the way. You are not alone, the Impetus of All Things is right there with you.

Sometimes its hard to remember this before you’re scheduled to sing in front of the crowd. Sometimes feeling alone is a hard feeling to shake. Thank goodness God keeps His promise regardless of our feelings. And thank goodness that feelings change.


Relationship Imperfection

January 23, 2007 in Relationships with 0 Comments

I’ve been thinking a lot about relationships lately. Maybe that’s because I’m a girl. Maybe it’s because I’m an observer of human behavior. Maybe it’s because I just sent in what should be the final academic work of my career and I have nothing else to occupy my time. Whatever it is, relationships have been on my mind.

Something that is interesting to note about relationships is that everyone has them. Even the most stringent anti-socialist still has some sort of relationships. Their only relationship might be with the Starbucks barista that they see every morning on their way to the office at which they arrive only to sit in an isolated cubicle, but that still counts in the relationship category.

(Random side note – there was this great Law & Order episode about a District Attorney who was killed and they discovered that this attorney, who had served as trial and appeal lawyer on hundreds of cases wasn’t who he said he purported to be. And although this guy was dedicated to keeping to himself in hopes of maintaining his charade – even he had relationships).

The other thing to note about relationships is that everyone has an opinion about them. More often than not, the opinion that they have has nothing to do with their own relationships, but is an opinion that they want to express on how someone else should be conducting the relationships in their lives. I can say from personal experience that there is no shortage of individuals who are more than willing to share just what they think you should do. And although their opinions might be diametrically opposed to one another, each individual thinks that their course of action is the one that’s best to take. Filtered through their own experiences and perceptions, they are convinced that they have the key to making your relationships healthy.

Yet, despite the preponderance of amateur advice columnists, I have yet to meet a single person who has their relationships under control. Each of us have struggles, each of us have points of misunderstanding. No one can possibly know with a surety the exact right thing to do in your relationship because they’ve never experienced it anything quite like it. We like to categorize others’ lives into relatable experiences in order to more fully understand the dynamics of a situation. But strive as we might -we’ll never be fully able to relate to the relationship of another. Human beings are far too complex for us to completely understand a solitary figure, let alone understanding two and the nature of their interactions. We might try, but we will fail. Relationships are messy. They’re not meant to be understood. Not that this stops us from trying.

And all of this is o.k. We don’t have to understand another’s experience to offer advice. Nor do we always have to have the answers. Oftentimes its our bad relationship experiences that help us empathize with others in their misfortunes. Oftentimes its the imperfections of relationships that make them the most sincere. And I think being o.k with that is part of the journey. Sometimes, relationships are just experiences to be had, people to touch, and lessons to be learned. They are not definitions to be sought, categories to be organized or benchmarks to be achieved. Relationships are about the people, not about the entity.

I’m certainly glad that Christ didn’t try to figure me out before He was willing to be in relationship with me. Nor did He wait for me to proffer a definition. He loved me, not for what I could bring to the relationship, but for who I am: an imperfect being imperfectly seeking a relationship with Perfection.


The Self-Help Church

January 23, 2007 in Relationships with 0 Comments

“The Church is not a tribe for the improvement in holiness
of people who think it would be pleasant to be holy, a means
to the integration of character for those who cannot bear
their conflicts. It is a statement of the divine intention for
humanity.” – Harold Loukes

I tell people that I am full of mystery and intrique. It started as a joke – probably a shameless attempt to get on the quote board – but like all really funny things, there’s some truth to it. As I’ve often expressed, I’m not very good at expressing myself. People don’t know what to make of me. I’m a girl that looks like she could be in high school who uses words like “stymied” in everyday conversation. I’ve (almost) completed my doctorate, but I couldn’t figure out my friend’s CD player. I talk when I’m tired and am silent when fully awake. I’ll argue on behalf of someone else, but hate conflict when it pertains to m own defense. As the great philosophers of Green Day once sang, I’m a walking contradiction.

Once, I even had a friend remark to me that the intricacies of my (probably somewhat warped) personna ruined a long-held theory about Christians. They had been of the opinion that there were two types of believers – those who are raised in the Church and believe because that’s what they’ve always known. These Christians have never “worked out their salvation” as Paul directs because they’ve never really thought about it. Or there were those who turned to Christianity to improve some aspect of their lives. The second type view the Church as a means of restoration and come from a variety of different contexts, but the defining feature is that the Church is a means of self-improvement. I didn’t (and hopefully still don’t!) fit into either of these categories.

Unfortunately, there’s a lot of truth to what my friend observed. There are people in the Church who appear to be members of the community solely for the good that they think will be brought to their lives as a result. They see the Church as good group therapy, a way for them, or their kids, to be shown how to conduct their lives in a morally upstanding manner. For them, the Church is little more than a spiritual psychoanalytical group session – a good way to get their life back on track.

But this was never God’s intention for the Church. As my pastor taught in a recent sermon, the Church was intended to be the foundation upon which God’s plan was brought about on Earth. It is His means for bringing Him glory – and for drawing others to salvation. The Church is Christ’s ambassadors, sent to do His work. As Harold Loukes comments above, the Church “is a statement of God’s divine intention for humanity”.

It’s a shame that in many circles the Church has become less than that. It’s an even greater shame that there are Christians who are content with this downgrade. We should want more. I know God does.

As for the second type of Christians, those who have been brought up in the Church and don’t ever reason out their faith, we’ll leave that discussion for another day. :)


It’s All About Me

January 23, 2007 in Relationships with 0 Comments

When the discover the center of the universe, a lot of people will be disappointed to discover they are not it.”
–Bernard Bailey

I’m often struck by how much I think about me. I’m an introspective person, so maybe I have a heighten sense of this compared to most people, but really, have you stopped and thought about how much “you” were the topic of your internal conversation? “I” am how I perceive the world, how I make sense of what goes on around me, and how I evaluate my relationships. We talk in terms of what happens to us – as if the person on the freeway who cut in front purposefully tried to ruin “my” day. We judge people on how they treat “me” regardless of who they actually might be. We perceive, quite readily, that our experiences are what makes up reality and therefore our perception of reality is what’s true.

It’s amazing then that as Christians what happens to “us” is supposed to be the least of our concerns. First, our life is no longer our own – we’ve given it as a gift of love in response to the ultimate sacrifice that Jesus made on our behalf. Secondly, our back is covered; we have the Creator of the universe paving the path that we’re to tread. There’s no reason to be focused on what’s going happen to along the way; ultimately our destination is paradise. Being freed from the focus on us allows us to focus on others and in helping to make sure that their arrival is also secured.

Perceiving the universe with me at the center might be ridiculously common. But let’s hope we get a right perception of things before science proves how ridiculous it actually is.


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