Twice Grieved

As many people know, earlier this year my daddy unexpectedly passed away. What few people know is that a few months later, my husband and I lost our first child to a miscarriage. Perhaps it’s unusual to experience these types of painful losses so close to one another. Perhaps it’s more common than we are aware. Regardless, it has been a tough road; one that I would have never planned, but that I’m walking just the same.

As I’ve mourned these losses and tried to figure out where to go from here, I’ve been reminded of a few things:

God is in control.

I am not.

God is on the throne.

I am not.

God knows the way.

I do not.

And while I’ve learned and re-learned the truth of these words, God, in His providence, has made this time of sorrow into also a time of comfort, a time of hope and a time of grace. Comfort, because I know that while I might not understand, I know the God Who does. I’ve often reminded myself that no one knows this pain like God does. Christ was a Son separated from His dad, and the Father knows the pain of a Son’s death. He’s walked this road, on both sides, and is walking it again with me.

It’s been a time of hope because while I don’t understand the reasons for these losses, I know that God has promised to use them. He will use the tears to water the seed of His will. He will use the grief to bring about grace. While I choose to believe that it grieves God when His children suffer, I also believe that He redeems these times by working through them to bring about His will. I wish I didn’t have to experience the sorrow, but I’m grateful that God uses even the painful things to bring about His good.

And it’s been a time of grace because in the last few months God has been demonstrably present. He’s put people into our lives who need to hear His Word, and through these experiences, we have been given the opportunity to share it. He’s provided in both seen and unseen ways to meet the needs that we didn’t even know we had.Ā  He’s arranged timelines and schedules to make our burden lighter. And He’s given us comfort and hope that can only come from Him.

In my humanity, I wish for my dad to still be here, and for my baby to have safely arrived on this Earth. I do not presume to know why they aren’t, but I know that these losses did not catch God unaware. A songĀ [affiliate link]Ā by Kerrie Roberts often serves a reminder to me that “Before a heartache can ever touch my life, it has to go through Your hands.” He could have stopped these things, but in His sovereignty He didn’t. But in His graciousness, He’s using them to still accomplish something good. And while I grieve, there are no better hands to wipe away the tears.

(While it was heartbreaking to experience both of these losses so close together, it is even harder to lose someone and not have confidence of their salvation in Christ. This is what it truly means to be “twice grieved.” Please, if you don’t know Christ, don’t spend another day without Him. If you don’t know what it means to be a Christian, I’m happy to answer any questions. This is also a great place to learn more. May God bless you as you seek and serve Him. ~ N.A. Winter)

29 comments

  1. Thank Natalie for this post, for opening up and sharing your heart, and through it giving God the honor & glory. God continues to use you in each blog post.

  2. I was thinking about you as I was driving to CA this last weekend. Both you and Alan Sisto lost a parent recently and I was hoping that there were people in your lives who haven't forgotten and just gone on with their lives but who are still reaching out and being a part of God's comfort in your lives. I haven't forgotten. I still mourn and also rejoice with you. Know that many have not forgotten and we walk with you (even if in AZ) as you walk this path.
    With love,
    Shawna

    1. Shawna,

      Thank you so much. We are so blessed to have people who still check in with us. Pastor Luke has been especially invested in walking this road with our family. I so appreciate knowing that even those who are not geographically near are lifting us upin prayer. As my mom often says "Please don't stop!" We have definitely seen how those prayers have been used to accomplish much in our lives and for God's kingdom.

  3. Thank you for sharing your heart, Natalie. I will be praying for you! I am rejoicing in your unwavering faith in God and His plan and His attributes. Yes, there are others out there who are suffering too. You are not alone. Your post, your witness, and your circumstances will be used by God! I know the truths of II Corinthians 1:3-7 will play out through this.
    "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 5 For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ. 6 If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. 7 And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort."

    Love you guys! Chiara

  4. Oh friend, thank you for sharing your griefs with us. Having suffered a miscarriage myself this year I know the deep sadness of that experience and thank you for your willingness to share with others the encouragement and strength you have found in God's grace. I pray that He would continue to uphold you on hard and easier days and that He would continue to use you to encourage others. Today, as my family walks through a new and deep valley, I am thankful for the encouragement to trust a God who is in control and loves us more than we can imagine. Thank you!

  5. Thank you for sharing your heart, your hope, and your confidence in the God of all comfort. We have grieved your family's loss with you, and further your recent loss. We have a little grandbaby waiting in heaven we haven't yet met, too, safe in the arms of Jesus. I agree with your mom, you have a wonderful gift of giving words to what's on your mind and heart! Thank you, again, and bless you, Donna Sawyer.

    1. Mrs. Sawyer – what sweet words! Thank you! They mean so much, especially coming from you – someone I know that my mom has always respected so much. We appreciate the continued prayers, and I look forward to the day that we will all be rejoined with the ones who have gone before.

      God bless you!

  6. Thank you for sharing. When my husband and I lost our first child to a miscarriage it was devastating. Even worse there was nothing physically to grieve. We where due for our first ultrasound the day after the miscarriage. I was physically exhausting to push the dead baby out even though it was so small. I could not even bring myself to look at it was it came out. The depression was awful but with God's help I came out the other end despite having the worst semester on my record. A year latter I started going back to the gym and getting rid of the baby weight and and year ofter that we are trying again. It is important not to dwell on the negative, which is so easy to due, and change our focus more positive things in life. I admire your strength!

  7. Ok somehow I missed reading this post. I'm so sorry to hear about your miscarriage. I pray in God's timing, He will bless you with another baby, one that will be full term that you can hold in your arms as God holds the one you lost.

    1. Thanks, sweet Rebecca. I so appreciate that.

      We're trusting in God's plan for our family and looking forward to discovering what that is. šŸ™‚

  8. wow, i hadn’t read this post before…i can’t imagine your grief through these things and how you must still grieve over it today, but i so appreciate your words and grace. praying God grants the joy and miracle of new life to you and your sweet husband in His perfect time.

What do you think?